The busyness ranged from Girl Scouts to soccer to basketball to church to track to school to children's theater to cross country to science club, student council, National Honors Society, band, private lessons, physical therapy, work, youth group, homework, being a student ambassador, and working as an R.A. all while mitigating weight-lifting, disc jockeying for the college radio station, sports anchoring for SCTV, writing for the paper, baking cookies, serving coffee, distributing toilet paper, falling in love, and preparing the perfect resume. And there were internships and service things in there, too.
The resume was pretty fine. I've gotten every job I've ever submitted a resume or vita for since getting my bachelor's degree. This scares me because I know that -- eventually-- there's going to be a big fat no thank y0u that gets handed down. Oh well, I'm pretty sure my ego's been coaxed enough that I should rebound sufficiently.
Back to simplifying.
I just resigned from a job with a salary larger than anything either of my parents have ever brought home. I had status. I had headaches, too, though. This job helped me leapfrog from the social class I grew up in to one that let me and my husband be homeowners before we were 30. We even got into the habit of buying organic milk and eating out several times a week. The downside? My professional peers were/are workaholics who travel too much and tend to overcommit.
One day, I looked around and realized I didn't want to go down that path, even if it meant drinking non-organic milk.
So, I broke up my match with Big Brothers Big Sisters and gracefully declined an opportunity to be president of the Kauffman Museum Board of Directors after my term as vice president. I turned down requests to teach Sunday school and decided to focus on things that are most important to me: my family and my love of learning (about things both "of" and "not of" this world).
A year later, I applied for a graduate teaching assistantship. Their offer would've left me too busy. I declined. They called back with another offer. I accepted.
Monday, I started my 9 months as a graduate assistant. Sure, my income will be less than one-fifth what I made as identity director and I've picked up spare jobs here and there to help put food on the table. But when I woke up Monday, I suddenly felt like a weight had lifted. No airline tickets to buy. No meetings to schedule or lead. No one looking to me for answers. No budget to tend.
Now, the things I'm focused on tending:
- my marriage. I continue to be amazed at how possible it is to have one's love deepen each day. I really do love Brett more today than yesterday and not as much as tomorrow.
- my understanding of God: I've been doing a lot of reading and am slowly coming to terms with the fact that I won't ever have it figured out and that I need to just own that the best I may ever get is "maybe."
- my family: looks like I'm going to be an aunt again. This time, via my younger brother. Sure, it's not "the way it was supposed to be" but maybe it is.
- my friends: I've grown to regret that I've never really made lasting friendships that I've nurtured over time. If you're a friend of mine...watch out. I'm looking to make us besties.
- my community: Just driving back and forth to Wichita for four days has left me feeling like I've missed something in my community (hence the blogging from my favorite bookshop). I want to invest in this place and make it a better place so that when I have kids, they can start improving on it, too.
